i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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