Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize