This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
