Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
