There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
