Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Sober January is a disaster.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
