How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
