this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I love you.
Bad choice
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
