There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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