I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
