They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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