She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
