So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
