i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
