We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
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