i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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