do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
