why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
