She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
