dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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