yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
There's always time for handjobs
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
