Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
