Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
