Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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