also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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