Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize