you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
