Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
