I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize