We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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