Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Randomize
