also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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