And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
