Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
