I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
worst night to have a conscience
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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