dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I am available for nakedness
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
