I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
