it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize
