she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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