he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
