That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
