It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
