Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
