You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
