Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
