quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
