We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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