Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I love you.
Bad choice
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
