I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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