Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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