shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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