I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
