All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I fill condoms, not promises.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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