we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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