you turned your livingroom into a bong?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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