I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
