i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
