i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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