She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
