So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
