I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
