Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
