Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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