even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
