I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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