They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Boobs are out for the taking
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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