forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I need water and some morals
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
