Little spoons don't ask big questions
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
