I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
