Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize