You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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