im holly from the hills drunk
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
