I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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