rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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