We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
