some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
