I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
