eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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