Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Randomize
