a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Please don't give away my fajitas
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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