remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize