im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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